(F)fear
Fear, such a remarkable feeling
It brings gifts of terror, division, worry, and dread
It comes for your present, the only thing in this life you are actually guaranteed
Like an innocent bystander, you watch it happen
In fact, you might even offer up your present to Fear
You don’t want to, but you’re too scared to face or investigate the Fear
Sometimes it’s easier to meet demands
Fear is a threat of what could happen, of which there are infinite possibilities
BUT it has no guarantees
Fear descends in a dark cloak, bragging of fangs, claws, and the venom of complacency
Fear intimidates you with things that haven’t even happened yet
It will completely assault all of your senses of anything pure or true
Your mind will become so lethargic, youn can’t even search for a logical response
Instead of being that hopeful, strategic, problem solver, you are hypnotized
Your thoughts are strangled
Fear wants every precious dream in your life
It feeds on every sacred hope
You might decide to save yourself the struggle
Do you hand it over to Fear?
It is so exhausting to protect HOPE
Did you know, Fear can’t take anything from you?
You must willingly hand it over
And that should scare you more than Fear itself
You are the one that feeds Fear
What is Fear?
I realized until now, I never stopped to ask
I realized that I actually didn’t even know
The more I searched, the less I found
Is Fear really this hollow? Do I supply it with the fuel?
It is numbing
It is paralyzing
It is destruction
But it can’t cause anything without permission
“Is it me?” I ask myself
Am I really giving Fear permission?
To allow my heart to be numb
To allow my dreams to be paralyzed
To allow my thoughts to bring utter destruction
And these things don’t stay contained
Like a chemical spill it finds it’s way out to ravage everything surrounding it
It is hard to look at that face in the mirror
I swear she didn’t know
Maybe she did
Does it really matter?
Watching her from a distance I think…
Why is she scared to confront something that is feeding on every precious part of her?
Maybe
She doesn’t want to give anything connected to her a chance
Maybe she needs fear to destroy it for her
Fear is her scapegoat for all her unchallenged dreams and failures that haven’t happened yet
But I am different now, I am confronting Fear now
I love myself, every single solitary part
Every success, every attempt
The most valued pieces, being my failures
Those I treasure
I look back and see I am still still here, not in spite of them, but because of them
With each possibility of failure I look forward to see who I truly am and who I will be after
I can not be a bystander in my own destruction and advocate for others
No I am not that person anymore, Love for myself has started to expose fear
I see there was courage in me all along to resist
To confront your infinite possibilities
Maybe what intimidate with ill come to pass
But it hasn’t yet, I am still here
I will not yield my present to you, it is the only thing I have
You are nothing without the power and permission I give to you
When I see your shadow now I laugh
I laugh because I have figured you out
And I will never supply you with the fuel of my dreams again
